I have been close companions with a woman, who has overcome numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she's repeatedly blindsided by people. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances disappeared then, as they were only interested in him. This surprised her. She put in more effort to be my friend, likely grasped better the meaning of companionship.
In the time since, quite a few close to her have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, even though she was an excellent employee, and she left not understanding why things shifted.
In recent times, we have each left the workforce leading to more time together, however, I feel my position between us is to listen. I start discussion points but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to propose double-checking information and alternate views.
She's been arranging a vacation to a country I have traveled to many times and lived in for some time. I attempted to share advice, but this was unappreciated. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I've just returned from a month in that country she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.
I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?
You could cut and run, but it is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out demands strength and willingness for each of you.
Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:
"The first step involves describing what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell how this affects you emotionally. There should be no argument on this point. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. The third step involves requesting how the two of you going to change the dynamics between you."
Remember that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say her:
"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."It's wildly impactful for promoting mutual respect.
Your friend may dismiss your concerns, as some people hold onto a deep-seated story: they maintain a story regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this and then think about what you've said. If a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have satisfaction from having been truthful.
A passionate textile artist and community organizer who loves inspiring others through creative sewing projects.
